Draft 1

Iraisly Arenas

Professor McDonald

ENGLISH 203W 215A

03/ 14/ 2026

The Brother in the Shadow of Glass

The forest had been silent for too long.

I remember when the wind moved through the pines like music, whispering through moss and roots. Birds once filled the air, and sunlight spilled across the forest floor like gold. But ever since the sorcerer cursed my sister, the woods seemed to hold its breath.

As if the forest itself feared to speak.

I watched from the body of the stag.

My hooves pressed into damp earth as moonlight slipped through the branches. I could run faster than any horse, vanish into shadow without a sound, and yet… I was still trapped.

Once, I had been a prince.

Brother to the most radiant girl in the kingdom.

Now I was something else. A creature caught between memory and instinct. And she…

She slept.

Far beneath the mountain, my sister lay sealed inside a glass coffin. Not dead.

Just unreachable.

Sometimes the curse allowed me to enter the cavern. Cold air greeted me as I stepped inside, the sound of dripping water echoing through the darkness. And there it was.

The coffin.

It glowed faintly like frozen light.

Inside, she looked the same. Untouched by time. Her hair spread like moonlight, her face calm as if she were only dreaming.

I stepped closer.

“Sister,” I wanted to say.

But stags cannot speak.

My breath fogged the glass, then faded.

Like everything else/

Years passed like falling leaves.

Winter buried the forest in silence. Spring returned with fragile life. Summer warmed the trees with golden light.

But nothing changed beneath the mountain.

She never moved.

And I remained.

Watching.

Waiting.

Sometimes I felt it.

A presence.

The sorcerer.

Even gone, his magic lingered like a shadow that would not fade. I began to wonder if the curse would never end.

Until the day the stranger arrived.

I saw him before he reached the mountain…a young tailor, small against the towering pines, his lantern trembling in his hand.

He did not belong here.

But he did not turn back.

Something stirred within me.

Hope.

Fear.

Long ago, the sorcerer had whispered, “Only the human brave enough to seek what he does not understand will break the spell.”

I followed the tailor through the forest. The cavern swallowed him in darkness.

I followed.

He stepped toward the coffin and stopped.

He did not reach for it. He simply looked.

Not with greed.

With wonder.

And then-

The air turned cold.

“Curiosity,” a voice whispered,” is humanity’s greatest weakness.”

The shadows twisted.

The sorcerer stepped forward.

“You should not have come,” he said.

“I won’t leave her like this,” the tailor replied.

The sorcerer raised his hand. Darkness surged toward the coffin.

“If she awakens, my work is undone.”

I leapt.

My antlers struck him, forcing him back. Pain exploded as he threw me against the stone wall. But I rose.

The tailor pressed his hand against the glass.

Light spread beneath his touch.

“No!” the sorcerer shouted.

The cavern trembled.

Then-

The enchantment shattered.

The glass broke like ice. Light flooded the cavern.

My sister gasped.

Her first breath in years.

Color returned to her face.

At the same moment, the curse broke.

My body collapsed. The stag dissolved, and I became human… again.

Free.

The sorcerer screamed as the light consumed him, fading into shadow.

Silence followed.

My sister turned.

Our eyes met.

For a moment, we simply stared.

Then-

She ran, and I held her.

I got to hold my sister after a very long time.

Outside, the wind moved through the trees once more.

And the forest…

At last, …

Exhaled.

Writer’s Note:

The story that inspired my piece is The Glass by the Grimm Brothers. The original tale follows a tailor who discovers a princess trapped inside a magical glass coffin and ultimately breaks the spell. Instead of retelling the story from the tailor’s perspective, I chose to write from the point of view of the princess’s brother, who is transformed into a stag by a sorcerer. I was interested in exploring how the curse would feel from his perspective, especially since he is forced to live in isolation while watching time pass and his sister remain trapped.

One of my main focuses in this piece was the use of setting to reflect emotions. The quiet forest and the cold cavern both represent the stillness and loneliness caused by the curse. I decided on using imagery to describe the silence, darkness, and seasonal changes, and how time continues moving in the outside world while nothing changes for the cursed characters. This contrast helps emphasize the brother’s sense of helplessness.

Another important choice I made was limiting dialogue and focusing on internal thoughts. Because the brother is trapped in the body of a stag, he cannot speak, which creates a strong sense of isolation. This allowed me to highlight his emotions, especially his longing and frustration, and hope, through description rather than conversation. I also built suspense by gradually introducing the stranger and adding a confrontation with the sorcerer before the spell is broken. This makes the climax more intense and gives the brother a more active role in the resolution, rather than just observing events.

For this assignment, I used the AI tool Grammarly for grammar correction and wording improvement, and ChatGPT to show me how the assignment should look. I also had help from my elderly neighbor Ann, who used to read me a lot of old books as a kid, and now… she read me the book since she had a very old, timeless tune to her voice, and it inspired me a lot. I’ll admit I feel like I am still unsure about the ending, but I am confident in my choice of story.

This piece is a fantasy fairy-tale retelling that aims to deepen the emotional experience of the original Grimm story while maintaining its magical and mysterious tone.

Links:

• https://chatgpt.com/share/69c08d89-a4bc-800e-9e71-71a954579682
• https://share.google/7cIsdPtOOCmh94NVY
• https://share.google/Vf1gARVSY6fTVo8VK

POV: First-person POV from the princess’s brother, who has been transformed into a stag by a sorcerer.

Setting: A quiet forest and a cold mountain cavern where the princess lies trapped inside a magical glass coffin. The setting reflects the stillness and loneliness caused by the curse.

Tone: Emotional, mysterious, and melancholic, with moments of hope near the end when the curse is finally broken.

Major Characters:

• The brother (the narrator, cursed to live as a stag)
• The princess (his sister, trapped in the glass coffin)
• The tailor (the stranger who breaks the spell)

Minor Characters:

• The sorcerer who cast the curse

---

Final Version

Iraisly Arenas

Prof.  McDonald

 Creative Writing

04/ 07/ 2026

Discussion 5

The Brother in the Shadow of Glass

The forest had been silent for too long.

I remember when the wind used to move through the pines like music, whispering secrets through the moss and roots. But ever since the sorcerer cursed my sister, the woods seemed to hold its breath.

I watched from the body of the stag.

My hooves pressed into damp earth as moonlight slipped through the branches like silver threads. I had once been a prince, brother to the most radiant girl the kingdom had ever known. Now I was a creature of the forest. Forever trapped between memory and instinct.

And she…she slept.

Far beneath the mountain’s heart, my sister lay sealed in a coffin of glass.

Not dead. Never Dead. Just unreachable.

Sometimes the curse allowed me to approach the cavern where she rested. I would stand at the entrance, listening to the hollow echo of dripping water and the slow beating of my own frightening heart… and there. There, the coffin shimmered in the darkness like frozen light.

Inside, she looked exactly as she had the day the spell was cast. Her hair spilled around her shoulders like strands of moonlight, her hands folded as if she were dreaming.

I would step closer.

The coldness of the cavern crawled up my legs, and I would press my nose gently against the glass.

“sister,” I wanted to say.

But stags cannot speak.

Instead, my breath fogged the coffin’s surface, fading as quickly as hope.

Years passed like falling leaves.

I watched the seasons spin endlessly through the forest with winter’s sharp silence, spring’s fragile green, summer’s golden warmth. Yet nothing changed inside the cavern… Until….  the day a stranger arrived.

I saw him before he reached the mountain path, a young tailor, small against the towering pines but walking with stubborn determination. His boots crushed pine needles, his breath forming clouds in the cold air.

Something in me stirred.

Hope. Fear. Memory.

The sorcerer had once whispered that only the human brave enough to seek what he did not understand could break the spell.

I followed the tailor through the forest shadow.

The cavern welcomed him with darkness, but he did not turn back. I watched as he stepped toward the glass coffin, his lantern trembling in his hand. He looked at my sister the way sunlight looks at dawn.

Not with possession.

With wonder.

The enchantment shattered in a sound like breaking ice.

Light burst through the cavern as the glass split apart, falling away from her like melting frost. My sister inhaled sharply-

Her first breath in years.

-And color rushed back to her cheeks.

At that same moment, the weight of the curse lifted from my body.

My legs buckled.

The stag dissolved like mist, and I collapsed onto the stone floor as myself again-human, trembling, free.

My sister turned, eyes wide.

And for a moment, we simply stared at each other across the cavern, two ghosts returned to life. Then she ran. To Me.

And the forest outside, at last, exhaled

Writer’s Note:

The story that inspired my piece is from my favorite Grimm stories, which hold multiple stories, an unending story, if you will. The story I chose is The Glass Coffin. Instead of retelling the story from the tailor’s original perspective, who discovers the coffin, I chose to tell the story from the POV of the princess’s brother, who, in the original tale, is transformed into a stag by a sorcerer. I was interested in exploring how the curse would feel from his perspective, especially because he is forced to watch time pass while his sister remains trapped in a magical sleep.

I focused heavily on setting and emotion to bring the story to life. The forest and the cavern are described in detail because they reflect the brother’s loneliness and helplessness. The quiet forest, the cold mountain cave, and the shimmering glass coffin all symbolize the curse’s stillness. I also used seasonal imagery, such as winter, spring, and summer, to show the passage of time, while nothing changes for the cursed characters.

Another approach I chose was to emphasize the brother’s internal emotions rather than dialogue. Since he is trapped in the body of a stag for most of the story, he cannot speak, which creates a sense of isolation and frustration. This perspective allows the reader to feel his longing and sadness as he watches over his sister.

Finally, the story builds toward the moment when the tailor arrives. By presenting the tailor through the brother’s hopeful but cautious eyes, the breaking of the spell becomes much more emotional and meaningful. The goal of this retelling was to deepen the emotional experience of the fairy tale while still honoring the magical and mysterious atmosphere typical of Grimm’s stories.

POV: First-person POV from the princess’s brother, who has been transformed into a stag by a sorcerer.

Setting: A quiet forest and a cold mountain cavern where the princess lies trapped inside a magical glass coffin. The setting reflects the stillness and loneliness caused by the curse.

Tone: Emotional, mysterious, and melancholic, with moments of hope near the end when the curse is finally broken.

Major Characters:

• The brother (the narrator, cursed to live as a stag)
• The princess (his sister, trapped in the glass coffin)
• The tailor (the stranger who breaks the spell)

Minor Characters:

• The sorcerer who cast the curse

Genre: Fantasy/ Fairy-tale retelling (inspired by Grimm’s fairy tales)
Citation:
https://share.google/7cIsdPtOOCmh94NVY
https://share.google/Vf1gARVSY6fTVo8VK 
Summary of Changes: Draft 1 → Final Version

• The dramatic confrontation between the brother (as stag), the tailor, and the sorcerer was cut from Draft 1. In the Final Version, the enchantment breaks naturally through the tailor’s wondering gaze, which creates a quieter, more emotionally resonant climax rather than an action sequence.
• Several passages were tightened for lyrical flow. For example, “moonlight slipped through the branches” became “moonlight slipped through the branches like silver threads,” and the sister’s appearance description was made more percise and poetic in the final draft.
• The Draft I ending included an explicit line (“I got to hold my sister after a very long time”) and a more drawn-out conclusion. The Final Version replaced this with the understated image of the forest exhaling, letting the emotional weight speak through imagery rather than a direct statement.
• The Draft I Writer’s Note included a paragraph disclosing use of Grammarly and ChatGPT, as well as personal anecdote about neighbor Ann. The Final Version omits this, focusing the note entirely on craft choices and literary analysis of the retelling decisions.
• Draft 1 refers to the source as “The Glass Coffin by The Grimm Brothers.” The Final Version correctly identified it as “The Glass Coffin,” providing a more accurate attribution and situating it within a broader discussion of Grimm’s fairytale collection.
•  The Final Version’s Writer’s Note is reorganized into cleaner thematic paragraphs (setting/emotion, internal monologues vs. dialogue, the tailor’s arrival), removing informal commentary and sharpening the analytical voice throughout.